Ever have that feeling of having 48 hours of stuff to do, but there are only 24 hours in a day? That’s been me lately. I’ve been feeling a bit down, overwhelmed, and overtired.
And worse, I’ve been complaining about the little things that make my heart so happy. I didn’t even realize it until this evening.
We usually eat dinner after we put Ella down for the night — around 8:30PM. When T is home and not working, we really enjoy this time together — and tonight’s topic of conversation turned into my bitchfest.
I was talking about how I don’t really get much opportunity throughout the day to focus on “my things.” My days begin around 7-7:30AM (which, I know, is way better than 5AM or 6AM — I know I’m lucky in this case) and are usually non-stop Mommy-time until 8:30PM when I put the girl down for the night. Sometimes, I will get about 2 hours in the middle of the day when she naps — where I will try to squeeze in my workout and run, clean up the house from the morning’s playtime, start laundry, eat lunch, start prepping her lunch for when she wakes, and hopefully hop on the computer to start some of my work: writing, blogging, returning emails, etc. If I don’t get to squeeze my workout in during naptime, it’s the first thing I do when she goes down for the night — followed by eating dinner, cleaning up the house from the afternoon/evening’s play, finishing laundry, showering, and then — maybe — I’ll have a chance to write, read, return emails, etc. By then, I really only have one hour or so to do all of this “work” before I need to go to bed, to ensure I won’t be a grumpy zombie in the morning when Ella wakes. It’s truly amazing the amount of energy it takes to keep up with a 2 year old throughout the day — and trust me, I know I’m extremely lucky that I get the opportunity to be with her all day, everyday. It’s my dream — and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
“I’m just exhausted, and I feel I don’t really have anytime to do the things I need to do,” I said, pushing around the rest of my salad with my fork.
My husband tried to offer suggestions of new things to try to be more effective throughout the day, and I shot each one down with a smirk and chuckle. Then he said something that hit me like a sack of bricks.
“Well, it won’t always be this way. Soon, she won’t need all of your attention throughout the day, and you can get more things done.”
What I heard: “She won’t need you.”
And he’s right.
Now, I know that I’m her Momma, and she will still “need” me, but it will never be the same as it is right now. Soon, she won’t want me to sit with her as she colors every single page in her Doc McStuffins coloring book. Soon, she won’t come running up to me to grab my hand, and lead me into the living room to show me that Mickey Mouse is on TV. Soon, she won’t want to sit with me in her room playing tea party, and get upset with me if I “drink” my tea before we “Cheers!” Soon, she will be too big to slide down her treehouse in the backyard. Soon, she will be too big for the stroller I push when we go on our daily walks. Soon, I won’t need to be there to watch her play in the bathtub, as she sings songs and talks to all her bath toys. Soon, she won’t want to snuggle before bedtime as we finish watching “Inside Out” for the 800th time, or when we “read” books, which is really her just flipping through the pages until she sees a lion, in which she will exclaim, “SIMBA!!” Soon, I won’t even need to put her to bed, she will just go lay down on her own, and I will just hope and pray that I get a “goodnight, I love you.”
Before I know it, she will be in school, be super involved in activities like theatre (a Mom-thespian can dream, right?), and have tons of friends that want to take up all of her free time. Before I know it, she will fall in love, move away from home, get married, and have a little one of her own. Before I know it, she will no longer be my little girl, but my beautiful grown-up daughter — and I’ll be thinking back to all the times we would hold hands, have tea parties, and color all day.
Life is short, my friends — and time flies. Instead of focusing on the stress, the lack of sleep, and the things you didn’t get to cross off your to do list today, we have to cherish every single second of these moments we have. Moments like these are fleeting, and I don’t know about you, but I would hate to miss out — and 10 years from now wish I would’ve done things a little different.