Quick Update!

Hi friends!

Whoa, it has been TOO LONG! Here’s a quick update of what has been going on in our world:

About a month ago, Ella turned 2.5.  It’s almost as if to the DAY she turned 2.5, she’s gone kinda crazy.  I never wanted to believe in the phrase “Terrible Twos” because — well, I mean, she’s adorable, how could she ever be TERRIBLE?  But, alas — I’m in a constant state of learning, and there have been several moments over the past few weeks that weren’t exactly… great. Sometimes the tantrums are short lived and easy to manage, but those other times… phew!

It also appears that Ella has now hit a sleep regression period that feels like it is slowly killing me.  We’ve been extremely lucky in her short life so far — she’s been an excellent sleeper!  I’ve always hated telling people that she started sleeping through the night after about 2 weeks of bringing her home — but it’s true.  Now, she won’t fall asleep unless you are laying with her.  After about 3 hours of sleep, she wakes up, and either comes to get me to lay with her in her bed, or crawls into our bed.  Some nights, this is completely okay, because she actually sleeps.  Other nights, its a toss-and-turn-all-night-pillow-fight that leaves both Raux and I feeling exhausted.  Lately, it feels like that latter is becoming the norm — and most days I feel like a walking zombie trying to push through until bedtime, so we can do this dance all over again.

Despite everything though, I must say that I’m grateful for this opportunity to grow through these challenges.  I know it may sound silly — but in reality, things could be much worse.  I know the world is big and she’s two, so these changes are just a natural progression of growing up for her — and I’m thankful that I get to be here to help her through it.  Plus, it’s a fantastic opportunity for me to progress in my own growth, and patience training. 😉

Other than our sleep struggles and attitude adjustments with Ella, we’ve just been pretty busy lately!  I’ve been consistently working out at least 5-6 times a week, and have been incorporating more runs into my regime for marathon training.  We also have added on two upcoming side projects — both are fitness related and super fun.  More details soon!

I’m hoping to balance out my crazy a little better in the next few weeks, and make more time for writing on here.  Ideally, I want to get back to posting 2-3 week — and I’m looking forward to sharing all the exciting happenings with you all soon as they continue to develop!

If you don’t follow me  on IG or FB — please do!  I’m constantly adding amazing pictures and fun stuff on those pages, moreso than on here. Let’s keep connected! 🙂

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

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A Love Letter (or, A Tale of Desperation from a Sleep Deprived Momma)

Oh, you.  I remember you.  So well, in fact.  You were like a dream — in fact, I embraced you with that notion in mind.  Dream.

You know how they say hindsight is 20/20?  I fear that when I had you in my life, I took you for granted.  I didn’t give you the appreciation you deserved.  You had been there, pretty much since the beginning.  When others were doubting they would ever see you again in those early weeks/months, I would stand back and say nothing.  A slight smile would curl at the end of my lips, because.. I was confident in US.  I knew all the work, the scheduling, the routines we had built were solid.  We were a team.  We made it work.  We MADE it.. 2.5 years of greatness.  I thought the hard times were behind us, and we had persevered with grace, dignity. We were unstoppable.

I didn’t tell you that enough.  I didn’t express my gratitude enough.  I didn’t remind you that you are beautiful. I didn’t let you know how much you meant to me.

I wasted time.  I piddled away valuable minutes, hours. Time that I will never get back.  Time that we could’ve spent together.

People warned me about this.  People said this could happen — but I refused to believe it.  People told me when you were there I needed to take advantage of every opportunity to be with you — but I didn’t.  I found other things to occupy my time — wasteful things.  Irrelevant things.  If I wasn’t with you, I could’ve been productive, at least.  But I wasn’t.

I fear things may never be the same. You are distant now.  You come and go, sporadically — sometimes you are here, sometimes you are gone.  Sometimes I force being with you, and it hurts — like I’m trying to hold on to something that wants to be let go.

I’m finding myself going to extremes to have you stay.  I bought new sheets — did you notice?  New pillow? New blanket?  It’s fun colors and super soft — I thought you would like it.  Did you see I upgraded us to a new BIGGER bed?  I thought that would be a welcome change compared to the squeaky crib mattress, or pile of pillows and blankets on the floor.  I’m sure it was hurting your back as much as it was hurting mine.  I did this all with you in mind.  I did this all for you.  For us.  So we could be together again — on a consistent, regular basis.  Like we used to be.

As much as it hurts, I understand that this is happening. I get it.  I mean, she’s growing up.  This is part of life — and I’m sure these past three weeks of missing you aren’t going to be the last ones we have for the next 18 years — or forever.

But, in case I forget to tell you.  In case I fail to mention.  In case we never see each other again —

I love you.  I miss you.  Please come back.  I promise I’ll be better, I’ll treat YOU better.

You. Complete. Me.

Longingly yours,

Ashley (aka the sleepless momma who is currently going through sleep regression with a cranky and tantrumy  2.5 year old –and is dog-tired and can’t help but focus on all that is lost — sleep.)

For reference: 🙂

Ella Grey with BagheeraTsum Tsum bedding